How Not to Make Me Ex-Gay
Jason Kuznicki on Jul 20th 2005
Several times a year I receive a letter a lot like the following, which is a composite of several that I’ve gotten.
Dear Jason,
I recently found your website, http://www.positiveliberty.com. You seem to be a very good writer as well as very intelligent. I was therefore surprised to read your essay on homosexuality.
I am writing to let you know that you are making a terrible mistake. You may think that being gay is who you actually are, but it’s not. Homosexuality is only something that you choose to do–and you can choose to stop it if you want. A person like you, with all of your talents and abilities, should not waste his life on a destructive, unfulfilling lifestyle.
[Jason and Scott at the Painted Desert National Monument, Arizona, 1999.]Fortunately, I can help you. I managed to escape being a homosexual, and now you can too.
I know what you’ve been through: the one-night stands, the insincere, unfaithful partners, the men you don’t really like but sleep with anyway, and all that desperate searching for your next sexual fix. You’ve got to end it, for your own good and for the good of those around you.
You need to realize that the men you are having sex with don’t really love you. In fact, they hate you. They only use you for their lustful purposes, not for any higher form of love.
Unlike homosexuals, heterosexuals sacrifice themselves and their personal desires for the sake of their partners. They commit to each other and care for each other even when times are difficult. Being “gay” is only about sex, and that’s no way to have a life. Real love is nurturing and fulfilling. It’s something that two men just can’t have for each other. You might tell yourself you have a real love, but real love is heterosexual according to God’s plan.
You are more than just sex, Jason, and I know that you are smart enough to realize this. Deep inside, you know that it’s true. One day you will look back at the homosexual time in your life and be ashamed of it. Have you ever considered what you will do when you get older, and when you aren’t sexually attractive anymore?
Now, you might get angry with me–no, you probably will get angry with me. But this is not hate mail. I am here to tell you the truth, and in your desperate state, the truth is going to hurt a little. You are living irresponsibly, and someone needs to make this clear to you.
And if you do find yourself getting angry, consider this: The real reason for your anger is that you are only mad at yourself for having made a lot of unfortunate decisions. Try to understand that I love you. I love you much more than the men with whom you only have lustful relations. They don’t care about you at all–but I do. And if you only let me, I can help you to leave a very sad and confused time in your life.
Sincerely,
[Often the writers of these letters don’t even bother leaving their real names.]
Note: Minor edit to clarify the origin of the text, July 22.
Filed in The Belfry, The Boudoir |
Hi
I’m visiting courtesy of “Daddy, Papa and Me”. I was horrified to read how a complete stranger could make such sweeping generalisations about your life, your feelings and your relationship. And I think your pictorial response was very eloquent.
By the way - lovely garden! :o)
Rhea
You responded much much more clearly than I could have. Belated congrats from a stranger on your wedding. :)
Brilliant response. A picture is worth a thousand words. Your peace and confidence shine through.
The ex-gay movement has always been founded upon sweeping generalizations and inaccurate psychology, and this gentleman’s letter only proves it. You response is much more even-tempered than anything I would’ve come up with. Kudos to you.
[…] For my new readers, two of my favorite posts are How Not to Make Me Ex-Gay and Hayek’s Challenge: A Review by a Historian and a Fan of Economics. Light and heavy, respectively. […]
Beautiful! I got here from Peterson’s blog. So glad I did. I fear that the problem is that the people who are writing these letters, these “happy” ex-gays, only ever got to know their homosexual lust, and they were shamed so much (by both external and internalized messages), that they never had a chance to experience homosexual love. Sadly, they think that’s all there is. I’m so glad you know better.
Your pictures are beautiful, and made me cry :-) You guys obviously have a wonderful relationship, and your happiness in each other is a beacon for what true love (gay, straight or bi) is about. I’m so glad you respond to such idiocy with beauty and love.
Lordy, some people is just so thick. One day, we’ll have a perfect world, where no one hates, no one hurts, and no one judges. Until then, congratulations to you and Scott, have an excellent life together, and good luck with the beautiful garden.
heterosexuals sacrifice themselves and their personal desires for the sake of their partners.
As a heterosexual female, can I debate that with the author? (Well, OK, often as not the *female* will sacrifice herself and her personal desires, but not so rare the other way around. When the man *does* make sacrifices, he is generally with a woman who won’t.
That whole nurturing thing? It’s pretty rare, really, homosexual *or* heterosexual.
What a wonderful “reply” to such mail!! And your wedding picture is gorgeous. You both look so handsome, and so happy.
::Applause::
What an excellent response. I have nothing substantive to add that hasn’t already been said, so I’ll just echo everyone else’s sentiments and say ‘bravo.’
Obviously, your letter writer has no clue. Your response is beautiful. Thank you!
The best damn response to the “ex-gay” “movement” EVAR.
[note use of ironic quotes in title.]
I really can’t add anything to this patient-yet-powerful rebuttal that hasn’t already been said. (Thanks Quev for the link.)
How Not to Make Me Ex-Gay
…
Very lovely. Thank you for sharing this.
Beautiful response. My partner died last year after eighteen years of being together. It was a wonderful relationship. ……..and none of the godzombies had a clue.
The thing that always confounds me about Jason is that he is more “Christian” than the Christians.
I wish the new cooperative blogging effort well. I’m not leaving comments at very many blogs these days, but I still try to read now and then.
I don’t have a lot to add either - but I just have to say, reading the compiled letter amidst the photos was striking.
Blessings to your union, Jason and Scott, from a man who’s been blessed to have a 20 year faithful relationship with another man.
I hope many people see your site and rejoice with you!
The person who wrote that letter to you was clearly speaking to themselves and their own experience. How shameful of them to think they know anything about you. Wonderful post.
Nice response. Were I in your shoes, I don’t think I could do the same.
I came here via One Good Thing, and I have to say, that was the perfectly lovely response to such a misguided person. It’s so sad how Christianity, which is so often touted as being all about the neighbor-loving, is really quite intolerant. Not being Christian myself and thus not having read enough of the Bible to know definitively, I would *like* to believe that Christianity (and all other religions, too) really *is (are)* all about tolerance and love and all that fuzzy stuff, but that people just misinterpret the hell out of it. Too bad all that “If you are gay or are not Christian or you do x, y, or z, you are going to hell” stuff from the Bible makes me believe otherwise.
Anyway, love you two in Ljubljana (GORGEOUS CITY, NO??), love your cat, and love your wedding pic. Best wishes for years of joy and happiness to come for you and Scott.
It’s interesting what’s woven on the web. I came to this story via Hugo Schwyzer’s page (a progressive Christian) from Kendall Harmon’s blog (a conservative Anglican, which is also my ideology).
I am an Evangelical Christian, once a Baptist minister before turning Anglican, and also an ex-gay. While this will likely feed the wrath of many conservative Christians I know, I want to apologize to Jason for comments like this. They ARE arrogant and presumptuous.
I don’t know you guys (though I feel a little more informed from the photos). I would not presume to say that you don’t understand sacrifice or that gay men only think about sex. While people who say such things may pride themselves on, well, not being Fred Phelps, they still don’t get it.
I would only ask that people not make the reverse generalizations and presumptions about conservative Christians, ex-gays, or any other group (or non-group). Contrary to what I have been told repeatedly, I am not full of self-loathing, in denial, or totally miserable. I know what I believe (in this case that same-gender sex is not God’s best for anyone) and I know the changes that have happened in my life. At the same time, my (many) gay friends know my love for them. I pray that for them, my straight friends, and for you, I may be a conduit of God’s love and peace.
Frank
Man, friend, child of God, and (rather low on the list) ex-gay
“I know what you’ve been through: the one-night stands, the insincere, unfaithful partners, the men you don’t really like but sleep with anyway, and all that desperate searching for your next sexual fix.”
I’m going through an identity crisis–apparently during my twenties, I was a gay man!
Because clearly, right? this behavior is WRONG WRONG WRONG and is CAUSED BY BEING GAY and WOULD NEVER HAPPEN IF I WAS STRAIGHT, right?
Congratulations to you and Scott! As to Mr. Ex-Gay… (1) how much would you bet me that he’s bi and doesn’t realize it because he’s been taught that such a thing can’t exist? (2) I’ll bet he doesn’t get many dates, because he’s creepy as hell! If I met someone like that, I’d still be running.
Jason, this is, without a doubt, one of the best posts I have ever read and looked at (because it is the pictures that truly make the post). I can understand why this is one of your favorites. — Dave
Fantastic post! Though I’m professionally wary of generalizing from anecdotal evidence, there’s nothing to refute an attempt to apply a generalization than well-presented anecdotal evidence….
I’m here via daddy, papa and me. What a wonderful lowkey but powerful rebuttal. Dang, I always wanted to be a gay man, and now I just know I’d have 6 yrs of coupledom photos if I was, instead of being a woman. Y’all get all the best guys! :D Congrats on the relationship those photos testify to, and on your wedding. ps loved tallgirl’s comment! I wonder if there is an ex-straight movement for those unsatisfied by barhopping and cheap straight sex?
Gays 1, Ex-Gays 0
The juxtaposition of an ex-gay’s letter and scenes from a gay couple’s life make Positive Liberty an instant addition to my blogroll. Welcome, y’all!
…
Excellent rebuttal
This is probably the best rebuttal I’ve seen directed to the so-called “ex-gay movement.”
I got a little weepy, too, there at the end. Your garden and your kisses look great. Thank you for sharing this.
I love you guys!
I wish you all the best. I hate generalizations about heteros as if just being straight alone is enough of a character reference.
And being gay is a bad character reference alone.
All the ex gay movement has proven is that repression is possible.
But hell, just because it was before doesn’t mean it was or has been a healthy thing to be repressed.
Rise brothers….
As Victor Hugo once said, “There is nothing more powerful than an idea whose time has come.”
That gay people should marry and take care of and cleave to one another is more blessed than any of us should judge otherwise.
Rise….
It’s time.
Jason and Scott, wonderful post and I really enjoyed your pictures, I can tell that you are a very happy couple and love each other unconditionally. I too have that in my life, a man I’ve shared my life with for 13 years and this fall, we will be married. This was a great response to the ex-gay letter you got and I congratulate you for it. The ex-gay movement makes me angry and sad at the same time. Angry because people like us have been brainwashed into believing that they are sick and unworthy human beings the way they were born, by people who have only one agenda: that is to make life as miserable as possible for gay people. Sad, because I see so many good people falling for the lies and narrow thinking of the christian right. One can be a christian and maintain their gay identity. To Frank and others, I will not judge you but, I encourage you to accept yourself for who you are and stop letting others run your life. Being gay is about so much more than sex, it is about life, love and happiness and their is nothing wrong with that. Nobody can take this away from us unless we allow it. I will never accept their judgements that being gay is a flippant choice or only sexual behaviour because it is not, this is a complete lie. Ex-gays are free to believe what they want, but don’t assume that they speak for all gays because they most certainly don’t. I really wish I could reach out to ex-gays and help them realize their authentic self and not the person that others judge them or want them to be because they will never live up to those unrealistic expectations of themselves. I am not swayed by evangelical christian judgement of my being, it is a false and pretentious way of looking at life in my view. Thanks for your great work guys, just my 3 cents worth. Tim W.
Great pix! I’m jealous of your travels. Killer garden, too. I’m afraid I am an “abandonment gardener”: I plant ‘em, I water ‘em regular for a week or two, then they’re on their own. And do you know what happens when I do try to keep a pot on the porch going? This!
The old saying goes, “There’s nothing worse than a reformed (fill in the blank).” I truly feel sorry for those who have been brainwashed or browbeaten into abandoning the sexuality their brain was wired for. (Excuse the dangling preposition.) And alas, they feel they must preach to justify it. Somebody’s therapist is gonna make a bundle, whether it’s theirs or their spouse’s or offsprings’.
This is the only post that has ever brought any tears to my eyes, and they were tears of joy. Truly beautiful. Pictures speak more than a thousand words.
I laughed in delight while I read this. You two are a cute couple, and I wish you the best in your marraige. Found this from www.exgaywatch.com. Also, upon reading your essay… I wish that had been online when I was coming out.
Simply Put
One of the best responses to the Ex-Gay movement I’ve ever read….
I love what you created out of that creepy letter. My first time to your wonderful website. I’ll be back!
So being gay is all about sex, then.
I appreciate it when sex addicts show their colors so plainly. It’s a shame that they can’t see the difference between their own addiction (risky anonymous sexual behavior) and being gay. Your response is one of the best I’ve seen so far.
[…] UPDATE: Jason wins. […]
AWWW…sniff,sniff!!
Came from Wayne Besen’s site and wanted to extended support and congratulations too!!
Ironic that it’s hetero males that are causing most of the problems from war to rape! But have a thought to throw out- on one hand nothing is done to hetero males that deny women their rights or curtail their own sexuality(ie. no consequences for fathering unwanted kids,etc.),but society is preoccupied with two people loving each other!
FONDLY in PRIDE,
x0×0x
Great response to sad people who have just gone from one form of sexual confusion to another. When will all these sad people realize love is about what’s inside, not what’s outside? Even my Mother told me over 25 years ago ‘Real love is a rare and wonderful thing. Don’t waste it if you find it.’
congratulations, I only hope one day that I manage to find a love as precious as the one which you two share.
The pictures of your life together are lovely and a good example to a lot of gays. I’m going to keep a hold of the webpage and look at it from time to time when I’m not having a good day to make me feel better and lift my spirits.
cheers
Lawrence
So brilliant! Thank you for that!
I especially enjoyed the mahjong photo. LOL! Seriously, it made me as happy as if I were being tickled.
“Our wedding, July, 2003″
Congratulations & good luck. If anyone has anything else to say to you about that, well, it’s clear you’ve already figured out that their opinion doesn’t matter much. Very classy response.
This was great… and whats even better is I can point to about ten other couples in my circle of friends who could give the same response. Thank you for sharing this!
With all the undesirable, destructive and hateful things that reside in this world it always amazes me how some people can criticize love just because of its wrapper. Fools, it’s still candy. But these people I worry for most because they are the ones eating liver wrapped in the recycled candy wrappers leftover from those who have taken the delicious truths for themselves and are savoring it. These painful skeptics snatch up the discarded outer coverings of truth and understanding and fill them with bitterness, jealousy and other unhealthy ingredients like misunderstanding and guilt then pawn it off on themselves and others as something substantial - they’ll never fool me into believing it could be half as sweet as what I’m sucking on. They may call it love because they are using Love’s wrapper but Love Conosieurs know the difference between a pill and Jolly Rancher - a grenade and a Gumball - a nuclear bomb and a Werthers. The later leaves a much better taste in your mouth….I worry for people who can’t understand that, at least.
Your entry depicts how I idealise my future, and I cannot begin to describe how emotionally uplifting your photos are from my perspective. (You look very dashing in your tuxedos.) I think we are all agreement that the mission of the ex gay movement was still born. I nonetheless submit, albeit with a great deal of chagrin that though the ex-gay author’s views on the lives of gay men may be a sweeping generalisation it remains nonetheless a generalisation. My point is this: any affection rooted in physical attraction, as opposed to Platonic love, necessarily and logically contains a measure of selfishness, notwithstanding that sex is shared. However, the awful truth is because the expression of homosexuality was repressed, demonised and criminalised throughout so much of recent history it could not flourish except as an underground movement, by definition unlawful - and thereafter severely frowned upon. Through its legal and physical menace and affirmative actions society has thus inhibited homosexual relationships from developing as selfless, long term unions and homosexuality could only express itself in its crudest most selfish form. Unfortunately we are still struggling to emerge from this period of darkness and whereas ignorance and legal, cultural and parental obstacles persist I am ashamed to say I must concur with a fundamental point that your persona of the ex-gay says: gay men only have lustful relations. By no means all gay men: Scott and yourself are inspirational beacons. You been together for 20 years, which means you must have lived through disagreements, differences, multifarious obstacles that I cannot begin to imagine, but which hopefully await me. Nevertheless, my personal experience mirrors the statistics - gay men are more promiscuous than straight men. So while, as I have stressed attitudes must change among the conservatives, both those who take a fundamental stance and wish to sanction the expression of homosexuality and the moderates who wish to make us invisible - keep our private lives private - we must take positive action to ensure our positive liberties and earn the respect we deserve. We cannot win simply by changing the law or taking part in pride marches once annually, we must follow your example, Jason and Scott. We must form couples, visit national parks and monuments together, celebrate anniversaries and hold hands in the street! Only then can we really be proud of ourselves.
Your entry depicts how I idealise my future, and I cannot begin to describe how emotionally uplifting your photos are from my perspective. (You look very dashing in your tuxedos.) I think we are all agreement that the mission of the ex gay movement was still born. I nonetheless submit, albeit with a great deal of chagrin that though the ex-gay author’s views on the lives of gay men may be a sweeping generalisation it remains nonetheless a generalisation. My point is this: any affection rooted in physical attraction, as opposed to Platonic love, necessarily and logically contains a measure of selfishness, notwithstanding that sex is shared. However, the awful truth is because the expression of homosexuality was repressed, demonised and criminalised throughout so much of recent history it could not flourish except as an underground movement, by definition unlawful - and thereafter severely frowned upon. Through its legal and physical menace and affirmative actions society has thus inhibited homosexual relationships from developing as selfless, long term unions and homosexuality could only express itself in its crudest most selfish form. Unfortunately we are still struggling to emerge from this period of darkness and whereas ignorance and legal, cultural and parental obstacles persist I am ashamed to say I must concur with a fundamental point that your persona of the ex-gay says: gay men only have lustful relations. By no means all gay men: Scott and yourself are inspirational beacons. You’ve been together for a long long time, which means you must have lived through disagreements, differences, multifarious obstacles that I cannot begin to imagine, but which hopefully await me. Nevertheless, my personal experience mirrors the statistics - gay men are more promiscuous than straight men. So while, as I have stressed attitudes must change among the conservatives, both those who take a fundamental stance and wish to sanction the expression of homosexuality and the moderates who wish to make us invisible - keep our private lives private - we must take positive action to ensure our positive liberties and earn the respect we deserve. We cannot win simply by changing the law or taking part in pride marches once annually, we must follow your example, Jason and Scott. We must form couples, visit national parks and monuments together, celebrate anniversaries and hold hands in the street! Only then can we really be proud of ourselves.
Your entry depicts how I idealise my future, and I cannot begin to describe how emotionally uplifting your photos are from my perspective. (You look very dashing in your tuxedos.) I think we are all agreement that the mission of the ex gay movement was still born. I nonetheless submit, albeit with a great deal of chagrin that though the ex-gay author’s views on the lives of gay men may be a sweeping generalisation it remains nonetheless a generalisation. My point is this: any affection rooted in physical attraction, as opposed to Platonic love, necessarily and logically contains a measure of selfishness, notwithstanding that sex is shared. However, the awful truth is because the expression of homosexuality was repressed, demonised and criminalised throughout so much of recent history it could not flourish except as an underground movement, by definition unlawful - and thereafter severely frowned upon. Through its legal and physical menace and affirmative actions society has thus inhibited homosexual relationships from developing as selfless, long term unions and homosexuality could only express itself in its crudest most selfish form. Unfortunately we are still struggling to emerge from this period of darkness and whereas ignorance and legal, cultural and parental obstacles persist I am ashamed to say I must concur with a fundamental point that your persona of the ex-gay says: gay men only have lustful relations. By no means all gay men: Scott and yourself are inspirational beacons. You’ve been together for a long long time, which means you must have lived through disagreements, differences, multifarious obstacles that I cannot begin to imagine, but which hopefully await me. Nevertheless, my personal experience mirrors the statistics - gay men are more promiscuous than straight men. So while, as I have stressed attitudes must change among the conservatives, both those who take a fundamental stance and wish to sanction the expression of homosexuality and the moderates who wish to make us invisible - keep our private lives private - we must take positive action to ensure our positive liberties and earn the respect we deserve. We cannot win simply by changing the law or taking part in pride marches once annually, we must follow your example, Jason and Scott. We must form couples, visit national parks and monuments together, celebrate anniversaries and hold hands in the street! Only then can we really be proud of ourselves.
Thanks for a brilliant post! I have been married to my dear husband for almost six years and this is just the beginning of our relationship. Even though we have been totaly exclusive and faithfull to each outher I almost every day get comments of me and hubby beeing promiscuous, hateful, lonely and going straight to hell for beeing in our loving and commited relationship. I am so thankful for my life, our children and all what God has given to me!
*laughs*
Oh, that letter is _priceless_!
As I’ve always claimed, the “gay gene” not only endows the bearer with endless witty comebacks, but also a flair for classy timing (not to mention superior color sense). You two look lovely in those tuxes!
Great “a picture is worth a thousand words” response to the composite letter!
My uncle, who was with his partner for nearly fifty years until they were parted by death, would have loved it if they could have been married. He was a fashion designer and made my mother’s wedding dress, which was unique, simple, elegant, and beautiful. I sometimes wonder what kind of wedding suits he would have designed from himself and his beloved.
That last paragraph was interesting. It almost reads like the letter-writer is coming on to you. I wonder, for how many self-loathing closet case letter-writers might that be a sub-text?
Best wishes!
All I can say is *WOW* I am so in awe of your honesty, bravery, and insight. Your essay is an eloquent story of a truly amazing journey to self acceptance. I not only applaud you but give you a standing ovation. And I’m not even gay. I am just a person who has deeply felt every experience you described. I am not gay but I have struggled with the same feelings in my journey to becoming and accepting who I am. It’s amazing – pain is universal and it is the ultimate equalizer. It knows no prejudice and unites us. What is rare is your amazing transformation. You are a beautiful person and you must honor and respect all that you are; you’re just as GOD intended you to be. Perfect!
BRAVO!
Ciao,
Katie Galasso
Thanks to http://thatcoloredfellasweblog.bloghorn.com/, which led me to http://arbitrarymarks.blogspot.com/, which led me to your post. I really enjoyed your reading your reply. I am not sure I would have been so creative.
Thanks
TBLJ
Backtracked from TCF, too. Great post, and brilliant at distilling - and refuting - the party line these people are wed to. God forbid they might fall in love. And the pics, well, they = nK words, don’t they?
good for you. find love where ever you can! Don’t let anyone get you down, if you’re gay, that doesn’t make you bad….you know what makes you happy, and that is all that matters in life. What you feel is not respective of what other people think you should feel!
Best wishes!
Kris.
Well done!
I do think that if people know you and they want to comment on how you live your life, and you are cool with them, then that would be alright I suppose. I am not really going to choose a side here, but if this is the way that you feel you should live your life, then you have the freedom to do that, if not, you have the freedom to choose the other way. If people are ex-gay, then they have the freedom to do that as well. I just don’t think that we should be criticizing anyone for the way that they live their life. I don’t want to speak for all christians, but the ones that I know are true to their beliefs and yet don’t judge others. I feel bad that they get such a bad name around certain circles when a vocal minority make it seem like they are all judgmental when I don’t feel they are. Just in the same way that all homosexuals are not chasing after lust. I understand where he is coming from and I honestly don’t think he meant anything by it in the way of hurting anyone. If anything, if I had read it, I would take it as a compliment because of all the times that he said how intellegent I was. But, people need to noy judge others, and if someone wants to change the way they live, they will. If not, people telling them otherwise isn’t going to do the trick.
Great response. I always think it is funny when people act like gays don’t have relationships. My first relationship lasted a year (hey, I was only 19), my second 15 years and I am presently in my third relationship which is going strong at three years. Most of my heterosexual friends do not have this kind of track record. Loved your pictorial response. Very mature. Bravo.
Please come to my house and fix my garden, thanks.
That was so beautiful and eloquent. A picture really does say a thousand words. Belated congratulations on your wedding! You guys make a beautiful couple. (Your garden is lovely as well!) I wish you all the best for the future. =)
Love is love is love, and love is beautiful. I believe that all love is of God and hence He endorses it in all its forms. The man who wrote that letter is clueless and most likely bitter. He is also arrogant- who is he to say what is and isn’t God’s plan? As a Christian, I am appalled at the arrogance and hypocritical actions of my bretheren- they are NOT God, they do NOT know what God likes or dislikes, and for them to judge others is to go against the very teachings they shove down others’ throats. Kudos to you for providing the perfect response to such blatant ignorance.
Well, they do say that the best revenge is living well!
Who the fuck do these religious whack-jobs think they are?
I came here through a link on a friends LJ. I absolutely love your reply to this persons letter. Congratulations on your wedding! It’s hard to find a perfect partner, it truely looks like you have. Best wishes for your life together.
Just another one of the crowd applauding you for your elegant response. I’m a lesbian in a 6.5 year relationship, frankly, we have one of the strongest relationships of anyone we know, gay or straight. It really has nothing to do with sex or sexuality, so much of life is just plain, ordinary luck and hard work.
I find it amazing how many gay people I know who decided to become “ex-straight” due to a string of bad hetero relationships. (rolling eyes) If every straight person who has had bad relationships gave up on the opposite sex then the world would be mostly gay. But it doesn’t work that way, does it?
I’m sorry that the guy had so many bad experiences but it wasn’t the “gay” part, sadly a lot of people go through stages like that, looking for love in all the wrong places, etc. Most of my gay friends are in serious, monogamous marriages, with mortgages, pets, children, etc. Honestly, most of us are pretty boring. If only the gaybashers and the “ex-gays” would open up their eyes and see this. But it doesn’t fit their homophobic agenda, does it?
Best to you and yours,
zoe
You might be amused to know that this page has been cited by
(of all people) the Reverend D. L. Foster, of the ‘ex-gay’ blog
http://psimo.blogspot.com. I posted the URL in a response to one
of his unhinged rants back on July 26th, and this morning he posted
it as something he just ‘ran across’. So, just as evil always contains
within itself the seeds of its own destruction. his efforts to hold
you up to obluquy and derision (for posting a composite letter, apparently)
have resulted in wider exposure of your fine efforts. Heh.
Beautiful post! And you two look great, and so does your garden!
Hi! I haven’t read the responses above so I am not sure if I’m being repetitive… Anyways, this paragraph:
“You need to realize that the men you are having sex with don’t really love you. In fact, they hate you. They only use you for their lustful purposes, not for any higher form of love.”
could have easily been written for a woman (hetero). Don’t you think?
So I am leading a hetero lifestyle and have not found nurturing, fulfilling, “real” love. So what’s wrong?
Wow, the ex-gay guy at http://psimo.blogspot.com is one helluva arrogant jerk! He puts most angry right-wing blogs to shame, makes them seem tame.
Apparently he thinks he’s super-intelligent and superior to others, enjoys insulting other people, but the second someone criticizes him he just deletes anything he doesn’t want to hear/read/think about. What a hack!
It’s unbelievable to me that anyone could criticize that kind of beauty and love. If there was more of that in the world, this would be a happier place, don’t you think? Your response was beautiful.
A Picture’s Worth…
The car I owned when I lived in Columbus, Ohio was liberally (heh) decorated with bumper stickers. I occasionally got some heat from passersby about the “Come the Rapture, Can I Have Your Car?” and “The Religious Right is Neither”…
Super Cute Homos Trump Illogical Fundy Asshat
Kyra, a commenter on Pandagon puts logic to the inanity of fundy ex-gay talk sent in to to the super-cute Positive Liberty, and me likey:I know what you’ve been through: the one-night stands, the insincere, unfaithful partners, the men you
Very sweet.
I am a progressive hetero sex-positive progressive Black man who absolutely despises such bigotry as what that letter represented…but your responses in the form of that photo collage did far more to stick it to those f**ktards than any puny words I could ever say. I find it simply breathtaking that these sexually repressed yet sexually obsessed”ex-gay” closet cases could have the gall to diminish you for living your life with such integrity…then, on the same breath, justify child molestors and rapists on the Church payroll.
May you and your life partner live well and prosper.
And may I have permission to link this page at my own sites??
Thanks, Anthony
Welcome, Pandagonians!
A few quick notes…
1. Anyone who wants to link to this post may do so.
2. I’ve read D. L. Foster’s reply, and I consider his charge of intellectual dishonesty to be entirely baseless. I am not in the practice of disclosing confidential e-mails, but if he asks me politely, I could provide him with excerpts from some of the letters I’ve received. Otherwise, I have nothing to say to him beyond what I’ve already (shown) above.
3. I don’t hate ex-gays. If someone really has changed from gay to straight, then in the end, it doesn’t really affect me at all. They have their lives, I’ve got mine. But I do suspect that mine is happier.
I got to say, you’re a cute couple. You two seem to like parks, so give Yellowstone a try. It looks better now than it has for a quarter century. Best wishes, peace and soul.
Superb effect, juxtaposing the text and the images.
Cheers to you and your real love, not reactionary Christian “love.”
God made you, and innumerable other gays as well, and must be presumed to know more about His purposes than some anonymous weirdo who’s desperate to entice you back into the closet.
Why said weirdo would want to do that is obvious: if you’ll agree to pretend that being gay is just an arbitrary behavior, not part of what you are, then perhaps he isn’t lying to himself when he tells himself he can wish himself straight. You can all hang out together and tell each other that it’s working, that you’re getting better at it, and that it truly is God’s will that you should kill off and falsify such huge chunks of your own souls. While you’re at it, you can convince each other that the Christian-in-name-only bigots really do believe you’re not gay anymore, and that they accept you as equals.
If by “heterosexuals” you assume the letter writer means “people who’ve managed to convince themselves they’re ex-gays,” parts of that letter are heartbreaking. Ex-gays sacrifice themselves and their personal desires for the sake of their heterosexual partners? Right. If their personal desires are still having to be sacrificed, they’re not ex-gays. They can go on all they want about “nurturing and fulfilling” relationships that happen to not be about sex. What they’re saying is that their hearts aren’t in it. And why should they be? The relationship is built on a lie.
As for the contemptible assertion that real love can’t exist between two men, I can only point them in the direction of 2 Samuel, 1:26, where David laments: “I am distressed for thee, my brother Jonathan: very pleasant hast thou been unto me: thy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women.”
They should look at the book more often.
Congratulations! (but not to the letter-writer, who is in need of some kind of help)
My 1930-something Methodist hymnal says in its marriage ritual that the ring is the ‘outward and visible sign of an inward and spritual commitment’. That’s all that’s needed for any marriage.
Hi guys. Just wanted to say I am impressed with your response. It would have been very easy to rant about christians or the far right. You make your point so much more eloquently by whispering.
Just got directed here from http://kfmonkey.blogspot.com/ , and I wanted to add my voice to the chorus of kudos and praise. This is an excellent and elegant rebuttal, and you and Scott are a beautiful couple.
Congrats! On your wedding and your life together live it live it happily.
Well done on your answer back.Beautiful pic’s of your life together. Your garden is beautifu. Toast to your long and healthy loving life together. Now go and have awondeful family . Much Lovepc
Congrats on the wonderful garden! Thanks for sharing all that. =)
Just another queer Christian dropping by to say “Hats off.” I do tire of the overwrought meddling of some of my coreligionists. Your response, with its gentleness and love, was far more Christian than the words — or intentions — of the letter-writers.
And maybe it’s shallow of me, but I’ve never seen an ex-gay as beautiful as the two of you…
Came here via a ridicuous post made by that “ex-gay” tool DL Foster. I took issue with it here: http://redtory.blogspot.com/2005/08/extradordinary-fib.html.
That he missed the obvious point you were making with the juxtaposition of your various snaps (lovely wedding kiss pic, btw — Oh, and I snatched it for the purpose of my little rhetorical exercise… hope you don’t mind) with the silly cant of these repressed fundy wingnuts who seek to “convert” gays and view it as a disease or whatever, shouldn’t be a surprise. This DL character is dumb as a box of rocks and it’s rather sad that he has a ministry and a pulpit from which to propagate his lies and bigoted idiocy.
Anyway, best wishes to you and Scott. Much happiness to you both.
Yikes, what’s up with that justified formatting? Sorry. That wasn’t intentional on my part…
That letter was silly. Your photo response was perfect… telling and beautiful without having to stoop to arguing.
You garden looks beautiful and makes me jealous. You two look happy and great together.
Why is it that people want to try and limit or define love? Shouldn’t they just be happy that people have it?
I think anyone who takes the time to argue the right or wrong of gayness is either ignorant or is jealous of other people who allow themselves to live their lives happily, in the way that makes them happy.
I wish you nothing but more happiness together… and less stupid comments and letters from people like that.
Oh, how beautiful. I absolutely could not read more than half of that insipid letter, but I drank up every frame of your beautiful, strong response. I particularly appreciated the inclusion of the gardening photos. There is no stronger metaphor for love than a garden.
I hope you enjoy your life together for many many years. Cheers!
I’m here from Creek Running North.
What a wonderful post! And I love the garden - clearly you two are as good at nurturing plants as you are at nurturing each other.
Great pictures. Wonderful vision. My own response to “turning someone straight” - aka Exodus……
I call mine INTOUS.
I’m thrilled to have found a new daily read!
What an excellent response to all those meddling fundies who will never understand the joy of being out and proud. The “ex-gay” movement is as ridiculous as it sounds. You are who you are, and don’t ever be ashamed of it. Great photos and best of luck to the both of you!
Wonderful post, Jason, very touching.
I just want to let you know that not all Christians are homophobic…there are many theologically orthodox, yet socially progressive Christians out there, me included. We embrace our gay brothers and sisters, not despite the Gospel, but because of it. So don’t write all Christianity off because of the Christian right.
May you and Scott have a long, happy life together, and God bless.
You have more class in your little finger than a great many people do in their entire bodies. This is utterly fantastic; thank you! (And congratulations on having such a wonderful relationship; pictures ARE worth a thousand words!)
Who Needs Words?
I’m a writer so when I get pissed off, I tend to, you know… write. But there are other ways to argue. Via Creek Running North, a bunch of pictures are worth bunches of thousands of words arguing with homophobic idiots.
Wow. How funny. Your presentation was brilliant and touching. Cheers, and my best to you and yours.
Speaking as a staunch Christian–God is Love. GodisLoveGodisLoveGodisLove. Jesus said the most important commandment was to respect God, and the second was to love each other. Just keep loving one another, and the rest will take care of itself.
I love your response. Pictures really are worth…well, you know.
I do love those pictures - some of the sweetest ones I’ve seen in a long time, and the best possible response to a letter like that.
Congratulations on your marriage.
love
Catherine
hey, i have to say gongrats on getting married, it’s good to see two people happy together regardless of how the extremeist christians view your lifestyle. i myself am christian, and i respect your choice to be happy with your partner. christians often like to single out homosexuals for the simple reason that hatred and fear are so often what drives us to form our opinions. i dont know what im trying to say here, but i want you to know not every christian out there is a bible thumper, and filled with hateful madness. i cant preach to anyone because i have my own faults, so yeah. i hope you guys have many long years together.
god bless.
dylan spaniel
Beautiful! What a wonderful couple you make.
What a beautiful, perfect, loving response to that idiotic and ignorant letter.
Many blessings on the two of you, and may you have a long and happy life together.
If someone asks you to deny or reject your true and honest love, they ask you to deny and reject the Divine One Who gave it to you, and Who is embodied in all love. That, to me, is the worst sin of all.
Pavers on the Road to Hell
Jason Kuznicki posts an absolutely poetic response to an ex-gay looney.
Definately worth a look. Also be sure not to miss the essay mentioned in his post.
…
[…] Unlike homosexuals, heterosexuals sacrifice themselves and their personal desires for the sake of their partners. They commit to each other and care for each other even when times are difficult. Being “gay” is only about sex, and that’s no way to have a life. Real love is nurturing and fulfilling. It’s something that two men just can’t have for each other. You might tell yourself you have a real love, but real love is heterosexual according to God’s plan. […]
Hello,
I have deliberately put my e mail address there because I am a 20 year old gay guy who has read through this site and disagrees with the discrimination that has occurred through this guys time.. Even when you get these up right wing christians go on about god wanting homosexuality to be wrong… What makes us Gay is the same essance as what makes a straight man straight.. Did you ask for the Hetroseuxal??? No… Did we ask for this lifestyle??? A lifestyle to love the same sex??? No.. If god cannot accept me when i die because I am and have lived a life what I was destined to be then he is a very very cruel essance.. God is not a person not a thing.. He is an essance.. A beleif and until proof that god hates gays is shown then I shall continue to live my life.. I have a website online where i wrote all my terms with coming to my sexuality and how in 10 years I tried to die via suicide more times than i care to count.. Because i didnt die i learnt that god wants me to be truthful to myself.. He wants me to love myself as one should be loved..
Imagen a world where your told that being hetrosexual is wrong.. Imagen a world where your life is lived in fear?? What will people say if i tell them im gay??? Well my attitude is.. Dont love or like me for who I am… Then your not worth the pot i pissed in.. This world is not about hetrosexuality or homosexuality.. It is about coming together as a race.. To live in a peaceful society that we shall never get… In society we should learn to be kind to one another and stop being so stuck up… If someone is gay and comes out that they are gay.. Dont discirminate them for who they are… Coming out as gay is like telling your father that you are a dad at the age of 12.. Yes thats right.. It scares you.. I know when i told my mother that I was gay.. She was fine and said.. Son you are what you are and for that I love you 100% as i did before.. I wanted children before i realised i was gay and i still do. I intend to have them via surrogance and know alot of people with gay dads or sons… They love the thought of a gay father and never got abuse in school.. The thing is today society in the united kingdom give gay men and lesbians a right.. A present a past and a future.. Discrimination is ending in the united Kingdom.. As jesus once said to a prosititue.. I dont like what you are… But i still love you.. You are one of gods children.. Many people in society need to learn that the site editor and his partner are happy.. In a zoo in germany i think it was… They had gay penguins… To see the article look it up..
Before i end this.. I would like to leave a message to all those who havent yet accepted it inside.. Dont turn a blind eye.. It is a heart breaking story to see the pain some people feel about coming out the closet for who they are… Offer a hand a shoulder and a help if required… Because someone comes out as gay doesnt make them any different to how they were one week prior to that…
God doesnt hate gay men… He hates the homophobic people regardless of the bible.. We are all gods children… To proove what god hates go to www.google.co.uk Type in Two gay iranian boys Hung… Do some reasearch and look at how the islamic faith treat us… No religion accepts this but they seem to find it acceptable… I know in my soul the people hanging allah as already condemned to hell for their crimes as allah wont accept it…
May god have love on all those requesting it regardless of their status that god gave them
Mystrow xx
This is a message to jason…
You do what your heart feels right to do.. Dont let no one upset or push you or any of us aside… We are all still men and all have feelings a heart and a passion to live in a society of co operation.. Your site is fantastic your pictures show happyness and what we all want and if people cannot accept them.. They are not worth anything..
You are you nothing more nothing less.. We are made the way we ment to be…
Whats the difference between a gay man and a hetrosexual without any children??? - Nothing
Jason - Great post!
At first, I just laughed off the whole ex-gay movement and their supposed converts’ newfound heterosexuality. But, after reading about poor 16 year-old Zach’s experiences with Love In Action’s bootcamp earlier this summer, I began to worry about the potential emotional damage being inflicted on young people.
Your poignant response in photos says more to these young people than all of the shrill arguments between the two sides of the controversy.
Jason - a friend of a friend pointed me to your website, and I want to say how refreshing it is to hear such an intelligent, balanced response. I know people who would have written that letter with the best of intentions, and your response, pointed and deliberate though it was, was respectful and measured. As you know, and can see from some of the similarly heartfelt but vitriolic responses, there is often little of that in any debate or discussion of homosexuality. Bravo, bravo, bravo.
Thank you for sharing this. In your place, I would have found it hard not to just respond vitriolically, but I think the undermining with photos was far more effective.
That’s awesome Jason. I agree with so many here who have already said it….nice touch with the photos…no need for a rebuttal to that kind of a letter!
Eric
Two World Collision
Beatiful. I’ll be adding this to my blogroll posthaste.
Fantastic. This is the kind of response we need to have. I rarely have time to read blogs, but this is one of my favorite entries on any blog, ever.
Justin
GayChristian.Net
This is WONDERFUL!!!! Not the letter, not the fact that you’ve gotten crap like that. (I do, too. Except that I’m bisexual, so that opens up an extra can of worms.) But the pictures…wow. The life and love they depict…wow. The fact that you have shown over a hundred people what same-sex lovin’s all about…WOW!
“Suspicious minds are talking/they try to tear us apart/they don’t believe in this love of mine/they don’t know what love is…I know what love is.”–Tom Jones, “You Can Leave Your Hat On.”
*hugs*
Well done. Your wedding picture said so much I nearly cried. I do wonder if the author of the letter was really jealous and “loved” you more than he wanted to admit.
Have a happy life and don’t look back!
; )
You guys Rock
thanks for the compilation…….nothing new there….just the same old gross generalisation from people who have judged the rest of us by their own behaviours.
keep up the good work.
anthony.
www.freedom2b.org
Brilliantly said and a Brilliant comeback to the ex-gay movement! Kudos to you both. I am a gay male in a monogamous relationship of four years and I hope to tie the knot as soon as I get my degree and we both get established further and buy a house with a nice yard. Oh and by the way, late congrats on your wedding and may all the blessings be bestowed upon it. Lovely pictures and a very lovely garden you have grown. I am into gardening and I would love to have the ultimate garden myself and hope to have one soon…any tips?
Jason and Scott - my input is biased as Steve and I have been together for almost 5 years. We have a wonderful committed well rounded relationship. I also know that the Bible is a tool we can use to ‘learn’ or as a tool for ’spiritual violence’. I choose not my homosexuality, which is a gift from God, but to ‘learn’ from God.
Looking at: Ecclesiastes 9:1 we find: [ A Common Destiny for All ] “So I reflected on all this and concluded that the righteous and the wise and what they do are in God’s hands, but no man knows whether love or hate awaits him.” I think that is what many Gay men and woman find today at this juncture. We must take each of these opportunities as they come, to show what GOD meant when we are told “For God so loved the world”, not just for some, not just part but “the world” in which he created us in his likeness. Your picture response is both compelling and imaginative. Thank you for taking the time to share, take a stand and be who GOD made you to be. Cheers; ~dean
Jason,
I like the creative way you responded to “them”, but there is a message also for those of “us” who are able to see it. Your work was a little touch of genius.
As a gay man I necessarily find myself on one side (or the other), but I must confess I don’t like the way it feels. I doubt that it was your intention to create yet another line to divide us.
I don’t know the hearts and minds of the authors whose letters you used to build your composite letter. Almost certainly they see a big horrible “black” line and feel the need to be on one side or the other. We obviously see the line as well. Those on both sides seem to need the validation that winning others to their side of the line brings.
The only way to win? Don’t play the game.
The only weapon the Bible gives us to conquer our enemies … love. We conquer our enemies by making them our friends.
Good luck in life and in your relationship. A good relationship is truly a blessing.
Sincerely,
George
Jason & Scott -
Alvin (my partner of 24 years) and I congratulate you both and appreciate the manner in which you have addressed the situation. You did it with such class and dignity instead of entering into a lose-lose debate, and I greatly admire and appreciate your approach. I feel sadness when people make a judgment call based on fear and ignorance, and I firmly believe that to put a face on the issue can make a difference. Of course, that act requires opening one’s mind to diversity and difference, and that can be a struggle for some. It is truly sad and saddening that the writer believes two men cannot love one another and be committed to each other. I agree wholeheartedly with George (see preceding item) when he wrote “A good relationship is truly a blessing.” and I am convinced a blessing from God. Thank you for sharing of your lives with the rest of us.
Darryl
They say living well is the best revenge and in that spirit, I hope you and your partner live a long and happy life together. Best wishes and good luck to you both!
Dearest Jason and Scott! What a wonderful response you gave as it is an example that mere words would create warfare of argument, but the photos and actions you’ve demonstrated created an argument of loving response. I know the feelings I’ve experienced about trying to cure homosexuality, and for many years failure overcame that cure. I learned my lesson that it cannot be cured and that I could hurt myself more. Fore example I’d always been happy and bouncing around until the days advanced to discouragement and dismay that I wasn’t quite a happy person. The discouragement and dismay made me want to hide or contemplate suicide. It was a spiritual and mental battle that I had to be so humble to let go and turn to the higher power–God.
The loving partner I’ve been living with nearly four years now has shown me not mere physical love, but love deeper than anyone could explain. The spiritual answers could only give me the best guidance and that love is spiritual. Our marriage took place only four months ago, and we got such overwhelming support from our families! Spiritual love truly demonstrates its goodness and attractiveness.
I wish to say “Thank You”. Your photo-response tells it all that I would have loved to do the same as you just did.
Loads of love
Mikki
Jason and Scott, what a wonderful reply in pictures.
Congratulations to you both, belated and from a stranger, may your lives be forever happy.
All the best to you both,
Marian.
Fabulous reponse to someone who is clearly judgemental and unsure of their own identity. Congrats to you both on your wedding. The pics were brill. Wishing you both all the best, now and for the future.
Regards,
Mary
Thanks guys. I’m gay and have always inclined toward the monogamous loving couple thing and it warms my heart to see you together…..as it warms my heart to see any two people who find each other in genuine and deeply affectionate love.
Your response is reminds me of the power of the image of the man standing in front of the tank at Tienamen Square…..the simple beauty of your response is more powerful than the tanks of the Religious Right.
A challenge to someone out there to get this shared with someone like Oprah and have it broadcast to a larger audience. It is very much deserved.
Thank you so much for your reaction. Yours is “wisdom” at its best: to let facts and reality be the answer… And in this case, those pictures were largely enough to make your case, even without words. Wow, such an inspiration for all bloggers!!! God Bless. Lorenzo
Bravo. I have curtsied in your honor. That is a HUGE sacrifice, seeing as how I’m a lesbian and the curtsy does not come naturally. :)
I deeply admire the sharpness of your answer… That’s really great! Millions thanks: it helps me to understand how we can answer to silliness and not be as silly as the one we answer to… all the best for both of you and congratulations for your wedding!
You might want to look at some “homo” statistics that are followed by the website they came from.
78% of homosexuals are affected by STDs. (sss.inoohr.org/homosexualstatustics.htm)
The life expectancy at age 20 for gay and bisexual men is 8-20 years less than for all men.
(www.capitolresource.org/Marriage/gaystats.htm)
Also, homosexuals have a higher rate of suicide — 24 times more apt to commit suicide.(www.capitolresource.org/Marriage/gaystats.htm)
Just some food for thought. I can only hope you will change your lifestyle.
Jose–
Your first website doesn’t exist. I even tried changing “sss” to “www,” and it still didn’t work.
Your second website doesn’t cite its sources, which renders it pretty doubtful. There are a LOT of bogus statistics circulating out there about gay people, in part spread by people who want to “change their lifestyles” — but based on hatred and bigotry, not on love or genuine concern. Google “Paul Cameron” sometime for a summary of a lot of this material.
But, in any event, let me tell you a little more about my lifestyle:
1. I don’t engage in the kind of risky behavior that would give me STDs.
2. I am very, very happy with my life. I would never even think of suicide.
So… While perhaps some gays might get STDs or commit suicide, I’m not one of ‘em. And besides, what’s a better way to stop suicide — convincing someone to be happy, or putting them through ex-gay therapy, which overwhelmingly does not work and will only increase their frustration? What’s a better way to stop STDs — encouraging gay men to form stable partnerships with other gay men, or getting them married to women they can’t fully love, and leaving them to fulfill their sexual desires in secret?
Now, Jose, I am sure that you really ARE concerned for me. But the first step in showing a proper concern is to do a little listening, and to try to determine whether your preconceptions really match the reality that you’re facing. Here, I don’t think that they do.
Mr. Kuznicki, what religion (if any) do you participate in? I’m just wondering. Also, did you have a good family life when you were a child? Reading up on homosexual relationships does not sound like it is beneficial to society — including children upon whom homosexuals prey. Two adults of the same sex were not biologically and psychologically created to be in a marriage relationship. Homosexual relationships are a sick misuse of the word “relationship.” It is like having sexual relations with an animal or plant. It is wrong and biologically confused.
jose –
Let’s suppose that all of the bad things you’ve read about homosexuals were true.
(They aren’t true; most of the items I read at the one working site you mentioned were clearly taken from Paul Cameron, and his research was fraudulent enough to get him disbarred from the APA. But let’s pretend that all these things are for real, just for the sake of argument.)
What would you say if there were perhaps a small number of homosexuals who weren’t interested in molesting children? What if they weren’t into drugs, didn’t have unsafe sex, and hoped to live to a ripe old age, in part by living healthy lives with one committed partner? What would you say if they didn’t want to commit suicide, and if these few carefully avoided reckless behavior of all other kinds?
Would you treat this minority just the same as the others, merely because they happen to both have sex with men? Seems pretty unfair to me.
As to your other questions, I won’t dignify them with a reply. I said all I care to say about such things in the photo essay I gave above, and I stand by them.
Homosexuality is going against the biological use of the human body. We were created to be heterosexual and, regardless of those who actually thing homosexuality is okay and fine, it is wrongfully using humans. What’s the difference between homosexuality and beastiality?
The difference between homosexuality and bestiality is that where an animal can’t feel genuine love or nurture another human being as an equal, a man or a woman can. Because physical love can mean more than just a glandular release for humans, they are called to make the most of it in a way that animals never are.
You may argue that a man can’t love a man as fully as a woman can love a man, but that’s a very different argument from simply saying that male-male love is the moral equivalent to bestiality (or vegetable sex, as you said before). Because of our ability to plan for the future, to provide for one another, and to care for each others’ greater needs, sex with humans takes one a value that it does not have with animals. (Do note that I have never had sex with an animal and that I find the practice personally repulsive, but that I’m trying to frame this discussion in neutral terms to illustrate the difference if I can. I don’t expect you to be brought around to my way of thinking, but I do think it’s best for both of us to state our cases as fairly as possible.)
And reading comments like jose’s, I cannot for the life of me imagine why.
I really understand about it and I feel bit like that inside of me.
I myself am a sixteen year old gay male.
And I would like to tell you, Jason, that you are an incredible person. You’re exactly the kind of person that I look up to, and hope that I can be as level headed and eloquent as you, in response to the prejudice and hatred of people who don’t understand. I applaud your intelligent response, and I hope that one day, the efforts of people like you make a difference in our world.
You and your husband’s wedding photo is absolutely gorgeous - I hope you live a long and happy life together.
And a wonderful garden!
-Lazarus Blackman.
I am a bisexual male.
I have read your essay, and this beautiful photo essay. I know you probably won’t see this comment, but I’d like to say it anyway.
Thank you.
Thank you for being a voice. Thank you for speaking up.
Kudos to you Jason for an intelligent, effective response. As you’ve demonstrated, there’s no need to argue. Clear thinking individuals will understand the meaning behind the photos you presented. The others will continue in their ignorant fear.
Best wishes to you and Scott! By the way, do you play mah jong? It’s a great game ^_^
Beautiful photo essay. The visual rhetoric is more powerful than words could’ve been. Beautiful.
On behalf of what I HOPE are the majority of straight people who think like I do, I’d like to apologize to you for having to put up with things like that.
Things will change with time, but that doesn’t really make it any less frustrating NOW, does it…
Can’t understand why people think being gay is not right. The author of the letter though telling he escaped from that sounds to be gay.
Being recently disappointed by love myself, I’m really glad to see how someone is able to give an irrefutable argument in this discussion: gay love DOES exist. Thank you! I hope I will also be a believer, very soon.
Love from a 23 year old Dutch boy.
How could someone be so closed minded?
being gay is not a CHoice..
It is not something that you just wake up and say ..
“i think i want to be gay”
and hetrosexuals are so much worse..
they may have more .. “happy lives”
but that is cause they are publicized more..
the movie relationships..
we all know some girl that has cheated on her bf.. or been beaten by him..
how often does that happen in a loving homosexual relationship?
nice kiss by the way
lucky man
I realize that this post was ages ago, so you’ll not likely find my humble comment here, but I just wanted to say thank you. The photo montage you did to accompany the piece of utter drivel that you’ve received was incredibly moving.
Wishing you years of happiness together.
i think that God put some love in some people for there own sex brothers. it is naturely present in some boys so they always like other beautiful boys and they a natural attraction for the same sex. so nothing can be done. Other people must consider it positively. nusad.
Hi Guys
we have a lot of work to do dont we. so many preconcieved ideas and misconceptions about who we really are. I spent 22 years living with the belief that I was unacceptable to God and others being gay. I was a well known preacher and leader in the the Assemblies of God and married with kids for 16 years. Eventually i was forced to admit that I was lying to myself that nothing had changed or ever would.
today i love being a gay man….and doing all i can to inform inspire and dispel the myths.
thanks for reminnding us again how out of touch some people are when they see same sex attraction as a sin, a choice or the result of a dysfuntional upbrining.
congratulations on the wedding and may you be like so many out there who have enjoyed a wonderful life with their same sex partner……..over many many years.
love
Anthony Venn-Brown
Author of ‘A Life of Unlearning - Coming Out of the Church, One Man’s Struggle’ Foreword by Hon. Michael Kirby.
Winner of the Sydney Gay & Lesbian Business Association’s ‘Gay Book of the Year’ 2004
Download Chapter 1 ‘The Confession’ FREE on the book page of www.anthonyvennbrown.com
O.O dude…. i’m a lesbian teenager, and i’m horrified complete STRANGERS would do this to you. My dad’s like that, he said if i ‘chose to be gay’ then he would disown me… I can’t tell hi mto shove it, cause my mom needs the child support. But now im ranting lols…. but anyways, these idiots that send u this, they are DUMB. honestly…. its not a ‘choice of who you have sex with’ as my dad puts it, but its doing what feels natural, being with that one person you love, regardless of gender….. I’m proud of you and your open homosexuality, and, btw, i love the garden, and the pics of you and your husband
hello my friends call me lady c i am an ex lesbian i was gay from the age of 5
my first girlfriend was in 1st grade i married a woman and was with women only
all my life i am 32 years old now. at the age of 30 i married a man we are happy
i had never been with any man before him . he is my first the sex is not what i am use to seeing i was a stone stud and not a fem. but now i like girly things for me it was a craving that i woke up with i droped this hudge wall i had built from men i was never raped or anything comming up i just loved women and i was very manly but now i am friends with all my ex’s they had to except my change.
my family really loved me my church dident talk about me i had no preasure to changd my lifestyle i was and am still very much loved all of my ex’s were loved
by my family also so there are people that change for whatever reason i am one i dident feel i was going to go to hell and i am very spritual i am a church musician so i can say i went from butch to house wife and now i feel i kind of missed out on my younger girly time by being so boyish. i am learning to wear makeup such as lipstick i now have long hair and i love myself and my girly body
i almost had a sex change thank god i dident i could wright a book cause i lived as a man for 15 years and now i live as ………………me……
god bless you all no matter your plight………..love and peace.
I found this website accidentally through on online search, and I just want to say I think your wedding picture is really beautiful. I’m 17 and gay and I’ve always wanted a wedding, and seeing two men having one… well, it’s really inspiring. Thank you.
I’ve just stumbling across this entry and I realize it’s now old, but clearly still inspiring. When I came out some six years ago (I’m 23) I was taken to a therapist bent on ‘correction’ … I’m now four years into the most amazing relationship. It’s been forever since I stopped to reflect on being gay, let alone get teary eyed over it! Thank you for making me teary eyed, you’ve created an an incredible statement. Congratulations and the happiest wishes to you both.
I found your reponse fantastic, peaceful, intelligent. I enjoyed so much your photos, I hope you live a life of happiness and joy with your partner.
Thank you. Responding to hatred with love, to anger with compassion, does so much more than any other response could.
Congratulations on your marriage of love. My love and I have been together for about three and a half years now, and it still surprises me how many people (even among the “accepting” crowd) are surprised to discover how long we’ve been together. I try not to show my surprise, however, reminding myself that I’m helping to change these people’s beliefs to be even more accepting and understanding that the only thing different about our relationship is that we’re both men.
I’m really sorry but if you actually believe this guy then there is something wrong with you. I’m only seventeen and trust me its not something you just choose to be. Do you think we like being with guys for the kicks of it. Wrong. If your one of those bible freaks that say that god hates gays then your quite mistaken. God doesn’t hate us because if he did then we would never be on this planet. God doesn’t like the fact that we are the way we are but he also doesn’t like people like you who to tend to judge people like you.
Well Interesting. I have to say I completely agree with the person who wrote you that letter. They may not have left their name, but I will. See I have spent the last 15 years of my life having male gay friends. I started off open and objective, and have since competely changed my persepctive, just by watching the actions of theses individuals. EVERYTHING, and I do mean EVERYTHING the orginal author wrote it true. With rare rare exception, have I ever seen a long term happy gay couple. It lasts as long as the sexual interest lasts, but when the men get older, the interest in them wanes and they find themselves alone and totally unloved. After so many years, of watching multiple couples, I do believe hextrosexual couples will sacrifice for each other..and gay men simply do not. It is all about them and their egos. There is no true emotional intimacy…again and again and again, I watch the sad reality.
Then I strongly believe that there is only a small number of true “gay” men. The rest are bisexual..and the gay community is so discrimitory aganist them, that they make them feel like they have to choose. Well they do not. But again, I have several “gay” men friends, who secretly wish they could “go back” after being an a gay relationship over 10 years. But now they feel trapped by their own “coming out”.
If you are so secure in your relationship, you should not attack the guy or gal who wrote the letter. Thank them for their opinion and appericate their concern. But that very fact that you do respond like you did, makes me question your own security. It shows a narrow mindedness, if reversed towards heterosexuals, you would call them homo-phohic. It does not work one way.
Mind you, I truely believe some people are born gay. However,I also KNOW there are those who choose to be gay for emotional or other reasons. Usually pain from a failed relationship of the opposite sex Whether you want to admit that or not, it is the truth. Then look at the homsexual communities fantasies. Story after story of a gay man’s perfect dream, to convert a straight guy. Why? If you can not convert someone?? Another straight male friend of mine is annoyed at them trying with him for years and I am annoyed at the lesbians trying at me for years. I thank them for the complement, but no. And I challenge anyone to really look at the reality and say that none of this it is not true. Rather, the gay community just wants to deny the facts.
As for why do some men turn to a man, frankly a